A Reminder

Vacation Bible School. The constant event in the summer that seems to be always on the same week every year. It's the last week in June. It's the yearly mark that kids attending public school are getting out and starting their summer vacation. It's also before the 4th of July, when people are going to be traveling in and out of the state.  VBS is all that but to me; VBS is also the reminder of the date. VBS reminds me of the pain and reminds of me the choices that I've made.


Had I not made the choice, would I be the same person I am now? Obviously, that's not going to happen. Who I am now is because of the choices that I've made. Had I not made those choices, I would not be the same person. Totally just answer that question because that is what I.. believe. Each decision we make is the path that we will travel until we made another decision.

I can't help but wonder what if. What if I didn't say yes? I know that I definitely would still have my V card as Glennie would put it. But what about the other interests that I have now? Would I actually be interested in them at all? The wooden models? Would I eventually have gone down to Michaels to go get them? What about the shirts that I had made? Would I have done them at all? Would I still have made the Free Hugs shirt? Or would I still have made them but they wouldn't be as good and the designs wouldn't have been done like they are. Video games, I know for a fact that I wouldn't have Cades at all, so then. Wouldn't that mean that I would've been behind on my Kingdom Hearts? I didn't have a DS before, so I wouldn't have gotten to play 2 of them. I'm sure that I would have gotten Kairi, since that was a present from Mom. What else is there?

If I didn't date him, would that have meant that I would have dated Andrew? Or does that mean that since I dated him, I am less of a mess than I would be, if I had dated Andrew?  Or is it the other way around that I would be more of a mess if I had dated Andrew and not him? Now, this is another path. Another train of thought but this thought is just too unknown. There are many ways this path could have gone and deep inside, I know that this path wouldn't have been good at all. While Andrew may have been a constant adventure, there's just something else there that I'm sure that it would've ended badly.

There's also another scenario. I said yes, but we stayed broken up the first time we broke up? What would've happened? Or we continue with what we had done, broken up and gotten back together and then stayed broken up for good the next we broke up? What then? Or we go down the pattern again, we broke up and got back together, broke up, back together, broke up, back together, but had stayed broken up before the one year mark. Who would I be now, if that was the case?

All the the decisions that I've made for the past two years makes me who I am today. Maybe, I was suppose to make these choices so that I could be where I am suppose to be. That phrase is back to being repeated in my head. "You've done your rebellion, it's time to get back on track."