Some Thoughts: People Watching

I'm sitting at the table by the door at Panera and a family just walked in. There's no dad in sight but there's 5 kids, the mom, the grandmother and someone who's a friend? or the aunt? or the babysitter? This other person doesn't look like any of them. The kids range from a four or five year old to well.. I dunno. The oldest could be a tall older elementary school to a some one in middle school or a soon to be freshmen. From all five of these kids, there's only one girl. I'm already sure that she's the princess in the family. Being the only girl in the family, it's almost always bound to happen. The middle child seems to be the weirdest one the family. He's the only one with the funky fisherman's hat and glasses. From the way he talks, he is the weird one in the family. Yup, definitely the weird one. He just spouted out some weird fact about bugs. The oldest is doing his job, his responsibility, his curse. He's helping out, he got the drinks so that his grandmother doesn't have to get them. I'm pretty sure that he's gonna be the one to help to get the food. Either that or to watch them all. Oh, wait, I was right the first time. Their buzzer just went off. He's got the food.

Another family just walked in. This time it's all girls but the dad is with them. The daughters are all so adorable!! The oldest, has got to be younger elementary. So pretty. :) She has a black sundress with pink and white flowers and white sandals on. The other daughter is being held by dad, she has a cute plaid green dress. Her hair has highlights. So cute! Then there's the baby being held by mom. She's got to be only a couple months shy of being a year old. Baby girl has a cute pink and white striped dress. I kinda feel sorry for the dad when his girls get older. They all have got to have him wrapped around their little fingers.

Yeah, this does seem like a bit of a creeper post but it really is wishful thinking. A few years from now, where will I be? Will I have my family? Am I gonna be going to Panera on a Saturday with my little boy? Or will I be holding my baby girl? Would I be going to this same Panera with my family? Or am I going to be in a different state entirely?

If you had asked a few months ago or a year ago.. Well, maybe not a year ago from today but close enough to be year ago from today. I could tell you the answers to all those questions. I could tell you that a few years from now, I will have my family. I would be going to Panera with my baby girl. My baby girl would look like her father but she would behave like me. I would be happy because I would have my baby girl but I don't know how my life would actually be.

Now, that's not the case. She is no where near the picture. She's gone, a dream never coming true. There's a new picture in place. A dream that I'm certain that it will come true. Life where I get to keep my family and start my own. Nothing to worry really worry about. A smile on my face before I go to sleep, a smile when I wake up, smiles that will always be real.