Lacking Sanctuary

There are a lot of things going on in my world. I feel like I say that often and frankly, there are a lot of things going on. I finally got a job! I'm a cashier at Giant. I'm taking many semester off from classes so I can just work. I'm only part time right now but at some point I want to be full time. I can work any time since I've kinda dropped everything. I stopped going to school. I stopped going to church. I've even stopped going home. Well, that's false. I've gone home every once in a while but that's slowly coming to a halt.

There's really no place for me to call my own anymore. I'm constantly surrounded by people. I don't really have time to myself. My family has moved from a house to a two bedroom apartment. My parents have their own room and I'm suppose to have the second bedroom but little brother is at that age where he just needs his own space now. The living room isn't really fit for him to have as a bedroom. So, he has the second bedroom that has the majority of my stuff in it.

Since I'm not living at home, I've been with the boyfriend. He's in a three bedroom apartment with two other roommates. At one point, all the roommates had a girlfriend. So, there were some nights were there were six people living in the apartment. It's doable. There were usually just four people hanging out. But yeah, I'm with the boyfriend. So, his room is also my room but truthfully, it's not my room. Yeah, my stuff is in it but the majority of it all is his. My stuff mainly in a corner night table and one of his drawers is full of my pants. This room, isn't my room.

It's starting to bother me that I don't have my own space. My own area to just let go and be me. A place for me to just lay down and relax and not deal with the world. I honestly miss my sanctuary. The only place I can call my own for a while is the bathroom when I'm taking a long hot bath. Even then, it's not the same.  I miss listening to my music loud. I miss just lying down and not being disturbed for a long period of time. I miss just talking out loud and knowing that anything I say won't be repeated or overheard or misunderstood. Saying it all in my head is like keeping it all bottled up.