To Write
Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 3:28pm
I
feel so old yet I am young. I am mature yet childish. The things I are
say aren't the things that I mean. To talk would mean to open my mouth
with the string of ideas and thoughts all ready to be said. But to write
and to type would mean that they all and will come out in the right and
wrong way and can still be fixed. The thoughts in my head need to be
said and to be thought not just by me but also by someone else. The
things that we all go through other people also go through them some at
different times and some at the same time. But how we go about those
things depend on who we are, how we are brought up and what has
influenced us in life. *deep sigh*
The plans that I have, the things I want to do, are still there in my head and the feeling of the need for them to be done has not and most likely will not go away till they are done. *another deep sigh*
I am a girl who is not a child anymore but not yet an adult. Adolescent am I. Invincible I am not. I can make up excuses as to why I have not yet started any of those ideas that are in my head. The ideas of the possibility of leading, what I'm not sure. The ideas of doing more in school extra-curricular wise. The excuse is that I AM A CHILD. The excuse is that there is not enough time. The excuse is that I am tired and there's not enough will power. The excuse is I don't want to be alone and stand out. The answer to those excuses is that I am a child of God, with his help and his guidance I can do what needs to be done. The answer is that I am not to be of this world, I just happen to in it. The main thing is: I am scared.
I am young yet I feel old. Time and time again, it has been pointed out and noted, that time has gone by. We, I, remissness about the 'old' days as if I have already lived my life. I am fifteen close to be sixteen and I talk about the days of when I was six as if it were forty years ago. There are too many moments in the day where I am given time to think. To think about life and what I am going to do about it and what needs to be done. *cough*homework*cough*
This is all I can think of to say. Life goes on and it will get better. But why does it have to take so long??
About five years have passed when I had written that note and again, time has gone by. No longer am I that girl who is not a child but not yet an adult. I am now an adult. An adult who wishes for the days where I have yet to be an adult. So much has happened between now and then.
The plans that I had then have came and went. Some were carried out and deemed to either be a success or a failure. Others were left alone and either were forgotten or the moment, the time of action, had passed. A few of those plans are still there, in my head, just waiting for the right time and the right motivation for it to be fulfilled.
Regardless of the amount of plans made and thought up of, the many excuses are still there. The excuse is that I'm now in college. The excuse is I have a boyfriend to think about. The excuse is that I have so much homework to do. The excuse is I'm tired. The excuse is I don't have the right motivation for it. There is an excuse for everything. However, I do know that those excuses are complete and utter bullshit.
I have changed. No longer am I that girl. I am the product of the choices and decisions that the girl had made. Some of those choices were for the better and some for the worse. She knows that she is still a child of God. She knows that difference between right and wrong. She knows that she is suppose to be better. She knows that she is suppose to be in the world but not to be of it.
There's no excuse to be made or to be given. I should know who I am and who I should be and yet, I don't. Am I even close to being who I am suppose to be?
The plans that I have, the things I want to do, are still there in my head and the feeling of the need for them to be done has not and most likely will not go away till they are done. *another deep sigh*
I am a girl who is not a child anymore but not yet an adult. Adolescent am I. Invincible I am not. I can make up excuses as to why I have not yet started any of those ideas that are in my head. The ideas of the possibility of leading, what I'm not sure. The ideas of doing more in school extra-curricular wise. The excuse is that I AM A CHILD. The excuse is that there is not enough time. The excuse is that I am tired and there's not enough will power. The excuse is I don't want to be alone and stand out. The answer to those excuses is that I am a child of God, with his help and his guidance I can do what needs to be done. The answer is that I am not to be of this world, I just happen to in it. The main thing is: I am scared.
I am young yet I feel old. Time and time again, it has been pointed out and noted, that time has gone by. We, I, remissness about the 'old' days as if I have already lived my life. I am fifteen close to be sixteen and I talk about the days of when I was six as if it were forty years ago. There are too many moments in the day where I am given time to think. To think about life and what I am going to do about it and what needs to be done. *cough*homework*cough*
This is all I can think of to say. Life goes on and it will get better. But why does it have to take so long??
About five years have passed when I had written that note and again, time has gone by. No longer am I that girl who is not a child but not yet an adult. I am now an adult. An adult who wishes for the days where I have yet to be an adult. So much has happened between now and then.
The plans that I had then have came and went. Some were carried out and deemed to either be a success or a failure. Others were left alone and either were forgotten or the moment, the time of action, had passed. A few of those plans are still there, in my head, just waiting for the right time and the right motivation for it to be fulfilled.
Regardless of the amount of plans made and thought up of, the many excuses are still there. The excuse is that I'm now in college. The excuse is I have a boyfriend to think about. The excuse is that I have so much homework to do. The excuse is I'm tired. The excuse is I don't have the right motivation for it. There is an excuse for everything. However, I do know that those excuses are complete and utter bullshit.
I have changed. No longer am I that girl. I am the product of the choices and decisions that the girl had made. Some of those choices were for the better and some for the worse. She knows that she is still a child of God. She knows that difference between right and wrong. She knows that she is suppose to be better. She knows that she is suppose to be in the world but not to be of it.
There's no excuse to be made or to be given. I should know who I am and who I should be and yet, I don't. Am I even close to being who I am suppose to be?
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